Helicopter Parents

She gave examples of several things that parents had done at her school that were deemed inappropriate for the particular age level.  One was the parent that called their student on their cell phone during class to see how they were feeling (now that one I think is inappropriate at any age).  Another parent called the teacher at home to give an excuse as to why their child’s homework would not be done the next day.  Another parent insisted on walking their child to class.  Now many of our Kindergarten parents walk their students to class, which can be age appropriate parenting.  But if you still do that when your child is in fourth grade, you need to check and see if you’ve sprouted rotors.   After the talk, my wife and I had a heart to heart about what we were doing, and whether it was appropriate.  We did find a couple of areas where we needed to back off and let go a bit more.

Okay, now for the rest of the story.  The teacher was a Professor of Psychology, and the school was Azusa Pacific University where we just moved my 18 year old son for his first year of college.  Believe me when I tell you that I understand how tough it is to let go. 

So how do you judge whether or not you are being a Helicopter Parent?  First of all, every child is different.  Some are more capable of functioning on their own than others.  Given that, look at these three tests to see if you pass.

1. Look at what other parents are doing.  If you are the only one doing something for your child then maybe you are helicoptering.  Or maybe everyone else is a bad parent… the next tests will help you check that.
2. Talk to several parents you respect, particularly if they have happy, well adjusted kids.  See what they think about the specific issue.
3. Talk to your child’s teacher.  They have all had experience with hundreds of kids your child’s age and will be familiar with what students that age are capable of doing.